


Maybe Therapy Isn't the Worst Thing

by AroaceGenderfluidSheep



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Major Spoilers, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Post-Canon, Simon Snow Loves Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Spoilers for Book 2: Wayward Son, TW - Suicide, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, baz deserves therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29469681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AroaceGenderfluidSheep/pseuds/AroaceGenderfluidSheep
Summary: Tucking a lock of hair behind my ears, he lets his fingers linger on my face. "I want you to go to therapy."---Simon talks to Baz one day about the possibility of therapy. Baz deserves happiness, therapy, and to love himself, and Baz realizes that as he thinks back on everything that they've gone through.TW: mentions of a suicide attempt and previous assault
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 14
Kudos: 41





	Maybe Therapy Isn't the Worst Thing

**Baz**

"Baz?"

I mark my book and set it aside as Simon looks up at me and thread my fingers into his thatch of golden curls. "Hmm?"

He shifts to sit up on the couch, and my hands fall out of his hair. Once he's facing me in a seated position, Simon takes my hands and squeezes gently.

"Baz," Simon starts. He juts out his chin and locks eyes with me. "I want you to come to therapy with me. And maybe go to some sessions on your own."

"Couple's therapy?" I ask in disbelief. _Simon Snow wants to go to couple's therapy with me._

We've been doing better since America and what happened at Watford, but I didn't think we would get this far in our relationship. _My boyfriend wants to go to couple's therapy with me._

I used to think he was going to break up with me. _He_ thought he was going to break up with me. During a more emotional conversation, after many tears and love confessions, both Simon and I realized breaking up would be the polar opposite of what we need.

 _"Because we match,"_ he'd said, parroting the words I once told him.

Leaning forward, I kiss Simon and smile. "If that's what you want, love."

"It is," he smiles back. "But Basilton. You're ignoring the second part." Tucking a lock of hair behind my ears, he lets his fingers linger on my face. "I want you to go to therapy sessions yourself."

"Simon," I murmur. "I don't know-" I sigh softly, then drop my head onto his shoulder and wrap my arms loosely around his waist. So many emotions are whirling around my brain from the request he just made. A wave of warmth surrounds me as his wings come up around us.

"Please at least think about it?" whispers Simon, bringing his hands up to run through and play with my hair.

I do.

I think about why Simon might want me to go to therapy.

Everything we've been through.

Everything _I've_ been through.

All that I've put myself through.

I saw my mother die. Believed she would have killed me for what I am, then tried to kill myself because of it.

Almost missed out on the life I have now, the bloke I have in my arms at this very moment.

I flinch, thinking about how wrong that night could've gone. I can't take these thoughts anymore. Simon's hand is on my stomach now, warm and soothing. Savoring the comfort, I let myself feel it all.

How unkind America was to both of us, everything that fucked us up enough to need therapy in the first place. How difficult handling my condition was for years on end before I finally started learning.

I believed my boyfriend dead because of the actions I took. Letting myself go to my vampire side in Las Vegas, pushing my boyfriend away in the process. Trusting Lamb so willingly when it came to learning about my vampirism and when he helped me control it. And he did help. But he also betrayed Simon. My boyfriend, the love of my life, almost _died_ in Reno because of his betrayal.

Being sexually assaulted has been yet another cause of nightmares. Standing there and having to take it while trying to talk Simon and Penelope safely out of the situation. I'd do anything for them, but I will kill the next person-or demon-who attempts to touch me like that again. That's something I never, _ever_ want to be put back through.

Then the list I made in Illinois. _Things I hate, a list:_

_13\. Myself, most of all._

_14\. My soft heart._

_15\. My foolish optimism._

That's not right. Not anymore. Simon loves when I'm soft with him. He loves when I let my guard down and laugh at some awful joke Bunce made or when I hold him after he's had a rather bad nightmare. And somehow, miraculously, Simon loves _me._

_17\. Being a vampire._

It hasn't been easy. However, I learned so much in the past year. (Starting with Vegas.) I'm not the monster I grew up believing I was.

Simon is right. These past sixteen years, I haven't been kind to myself. I've believed that I deserved every moment of pain because I was a monster.

Maybe that needs to change.

I turn my head, kissing Simon's pulse point, then straighten up and press my forehead to his. Taking a deep breath, I kiss his lips softly. "Okay. You're right. Maybe therapy isn't the worst idea."

Simon places his palms on my cheeks, stroking his thumbs lightly over my cheekbones and giving me a gentle smile. "I think this is going to help you, Baz. I'll be here for you for every step. I've got your back, love." He kisses me again. "I love you."

My half-laugh, half-sob is muffled as I bury my face in his shoulder. "I love you, too, Simon."

**Author's Note:**

> Baz went through some major shit in America, and he deserves to have it acknowledged. I'm on [tumblr](https://aroace-genderfluid-sheep.tumblr.com/) with more about Baz's trauma, if you want. Thank you for reading, and get some sleep. :)


End file.
